When Bad Interviews Happen To Good Teachers

Well, at least you can say I'm consistent. Year after year, when that summer break comes-- relaxation time for most teachers, resume update and scour EdJoin time for me-- I have played my part faithfully, never breaking from tradition. And this summer, like the four summers before, followed the familiar formula: letter of introduction, interview prep, tie and sock choice, nervous babbling, thanks for inviting me handshake, phone call wait, the sigh of resignation....

Now to be fair to myself (aka "rationalizing") it wasn't the best fit. I'm sure the first interviewer caught the look on my face when she said "Sixth grade Math and Science"-- I'm sure the same face I made when my new bride first made dinner, a well-intentioned yet feeble attempt to convey, despite facial contortions saying otherwise, my inner "joy" at what was placed before me and the anticipation of getting to enjoy it for the next 50 years* -- but I recovered quickly, and while admitting my passion was readin' and writin' I talked about the thrill of discovery and importance of problem solving as keys to both wonderful disciplines, math and science being the backbone of any successful society.

And maybe that last paragraph is evidence of my Failure As Interviewee. A bit rambling, I'd say. Incoherent in most places, you may say. It's not like I opened with a joke ("How many Principals does it take...") or replied in monotonous grunts, but for some reason I must not come across as intelligent, or at least worthy to get paid for teaching children, when I am interviewed. There is a fine line between answering how I really want to and how I think they want me to answer, all while trying to surreptitiously read upside down to see what they're writing about me as I talk. I want to say Yes, my classroom will have/do this... but how do I know if the school allows that? Maybe the Principal wouldn't know a Tweet if it bit her but I want to connect with my students using Twitter?

Part of me wants to jump up on the next conference table and give voice to the Sorkin-style proclamation within: I can teach! Give me a room, give me students! Let me coax them, cajole them, encourage them to let the learning spark in them burst! Quit blaming faulty technology and get students into the 21st century, stop moaning about class size and get to know what every student needs to learn, cancel the parties and movies and demand hard work, proof of learning, and excellent results! I AM Superman! And then again part of me, mainly the student loan repaying part, wants to say Please, I need a job, tell me what to teach and how to teach it and I'll be there for every after school function and I'll spend all weekend grading and planning but please just give me a chance...

So now I (hopefully) go back to teaching elementary P.E., a job I absolutely love at a school I absolutely love with students I absolutely love, by the way, and spend the next 11 months learning as much as I can in order to try again next summer. I'll finish my GATE Certification, complete my P.E. Credential, keep working through the Stanford Math MOOC, discuss students and teaching during lunch break, slip $20 a week under the Principal's keyboard, and work towards another chance at interviewing for my own classroom next year.  I'll firm up my handshake, practice my interview answers, study successful educators and their best practices. I'll find a way to impress the entire room on my next interview, I'll have them presenting the staff restroom key and offering to drive me down to HR and sign that contract before my sweat has even dried.

Truthfully? I think it was the wrong tie.




*Yes, 17 years later, she is a fine cook these days. Delicious pastas, awesome tacos. Otherwise we wouldn't still be married, now would we?**

**Kidding!

25, 26, 27 hours in your day?!?

Time manipulation? Unholy alliance?
Alien technology? A trip to Mr. Johnson's crossroads?

How else do you do it?

C'mon, you educators that post pictures of clean, bright, fantasy-schoolhouse classrooms to go with  your time-saving and tree-saving yet engaging, all level differentiated, in line with every state's Standards lessons that you post on your professional quality and heavily "Best of" honor-bedecked website which connects to your Pintrest, Twitter, Facebook, and blog via smart phone, iPad, and probably ESP -- AND you have time for quality personal reflection while you share 702 up-to-the-second latest technology ideas for the flipped i21 space station classroom during a tweet-fest with all 13,756 of your closest friends and followers???

How in the holy name of Angela Watson* do you find the time to do it all?

Help a brother out!

Don't know what I'm doing wrong. I get in early, make sure I have all supplies and notes ready for each lesson, sharpen a few pencils and away we go... 6.5 hours later I kick 'em all out. Homework Club on Tuesday but none of my students ever come so it's right to planning the next day(s): Gotta... man, I can't even write down what I gotta do cause I getta more tired and need to go to bed.

Actually, I feel better already. Just the thought of bed led me to the thought of that first cup of coffee in the morning, then the anticipation-filled drive to work, then the heartbeat of joy that always thumps when I pull out the keys to my classroom door. AND I get paid for this!

*sigh*

 I guess I'll be okay...







*Arne Duncan? Michelle Rhee? Do teachers have a patron saint?

Do Not Go Quietly...

"Do not go quietly into your classroom. Engage. Be brave." *


I love that first sentence. Ironic,** in that several times each day I tell my class to enter the classroom qui-et-ly...

Anyway, on to today's frustrating issue, I'm sure largely compounded by this month's All Day But Could Have Been Completed In Three Hours Max Grade Level Meeting.

The Dilemma: I go back to class, start looking at the Math Homework turned in today, and see "0/12" -- dang, poor kid doesn't get it, I'll work with her tomorrow... -- then another "0/12" and a "1/12" and I check to see if it's the Chatty Cathy Trio. After 7 more papers the highest score I've seen is "3/12" so I look at the calendar for April Fool's Day. Nope, still on the first of next month! A few more dismal scores and I toss my hands, and the homework, high in the air in complete disbelief and frustration. Dang, I suck. What went wrong?

The Solution: Time Travel.  Before my Math class walks in I'll change the dates back to Tuesday and start the whole lesson all over again. I thought it was engaging and informative, we had guest speakers (some ancient Greek guy and the boys on BrainPOP) and worked through some problems together. Okay, the whole pi concept is weird, and some of the boys may have been distracted by drooling ("Mmmm, pie!") but overall I had no reason to believe the day was a total flop. I get a do-over. A mulligan. A move your player back when you're not looking. Wait, that last one is for Parchesi. But I WILL teach you this lesson again and I WILL teach it better and I WILL check for comprehension and I WILL scaffold and support until my legs start shaking and you WILL reward my dedication with demonstrations of your understanding and competence on the homework, the quiz, the chapter test, the CST, your SAT, and the way you raise your children! Bring us your finest meats and cheeses!

But Then... : I thought, wait. I couldn't have screwed it up that bad. C'mon, it was just circumference and area of a circle. Plug the numbers into the formula. The formula is in the textbook. And in their notes. And easily accessible online. I'll even bet more than 5 parents know at least one of the formulas, and can tell his or her dear inquisitive child, probably with a tear in their eye as a long-ago math teacher is fondly remembered...
So no going back, at least not quietly nor gently. But not loudly, in the hollering sense, I'm not that kind of teacher, just not quietly as in I cannot passively watch children not learn. They must learn to listen, to participate, to ask questions, to take notes, to say "Huh? I don get it." To take the book home and to OPEN it. And tomorrow, to memorize the formula for area and circumference.

Is writing it 50 times enough, or should I make 'em do 100?

The quote at the top, by the way, is the link to a book which I haven't yet looked into but the phrase caught my eye and Inspired me.





*I almost ended the quote after "classroom" since whenever I hear "engage" it's in Captain Picard's deep voice.
**Alanis Morrissette ruined the term irony for me, I never know if I've used it correctly or if it's going to rain on my wedding day.

Can Google Create Time?

I'm becoming frustrated with the lack of hours in the day.  I wanna go, go, go and go some more but often have to wait... for... other... teachers. Wait for the gate to open AFTER the bell. Wait for my students to come back from Math. From Grammar. From lunch recess. I don't have time for all this waiting -- I need to teach them now! I have inspiring to do, impressions to make! Life-long study habits and love of learning to ingrain!

We are slowly but surely getting our routines down, the lack of recess seems to have curbed their propensity to chat and dawdle at every turn throughout the day.  The schedule can be tight and is fairly inflexible -- Read, Math, Grammar, Social (Library in the middle) Studies, one after another after another. But I feel all my students, from high to low, could use more time just to think and work. That is why I like the idea of "flipped" lessons, watch the basics at home on video then have more time to work together and with guidance at school, and why I'm hooking our classroom up to Google docs (thanks to the great ideas and how-to over at Think Share Teach ).  I know the majority of students don't have complete computer access/time at home, but maybe it will help a few be able to finish writing assignments?

Well, I wasn't done with this rant/whine but my keyboard froze and the old laptop decided it was done for the day. Whatever. I have a new bee in my bonnet tonight.



And why, oh why, do my students keep asking when we're going to McDonald's???